the best/worst thing to tell a straight male

Mjo Five Oh (2:46:01 AM): boys have to worry about that stuff, girls just have to look cute and put out

 

Swayed Vote

“Were you in it for me… or were you in it for the issues?” – Hillary Clinton (if the quote is not perfect, that was the main jist.)  Why, yes, Hillary!  You’re right.  Plus Obama’s speech was freakin’ amazing.  I’d like to be proud to be an American for once in my life other than when the olympics are on.

I’m going to marry Michael Phelps.

 

Funniest Myspace Message Session EVER!

—————– Original Message —————–
From: ..Jon..
Date: Jul 23, 2008 11:10 PM

How are you? I am in Meadville for the night and looking for something to do.
………… Any information would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

—————– Original Message —————–
From: ..Mjo Five Oh..
Date: Jul 23, 2008 9:00 PM

Here’s what I would suggest:
Making fun of rednecks
Eating at Perkins while you can still smoke
Hating Meadville
Slashing tires of large SUVs and trucks
Starting fights with rednecks at bars
Deciding that Meadville sucks and you never want to go there again

Is that good?

—————– Original Message —————–
From: ..Jon..
Date: Jul 24, 2008 12:03 AM

LOL….im staying at Holiday Inn want to meet me and eat at Perkins?? My treat!!!

———–a—— Original Message —————–
From: ..Mjo Five Oh..
Date: Jul 23, 2008 9:09 PM

The hotel behind perkins?

Um I’d say ok but I’m really afraid of getting raped by random myspace messagers and getting pregnant and giving birth to a rape baby. I’m sure this happens every day, we just dont’ hear about it. Plus, you could be like 13 and I’d be stepping into a trap of Dateline. Then again, if that was the case, I would meet Chris Hansen and be on TV. So that’s kind of a win situation. Except for when they label me as an internet predator, then my name would be ruined for life and I’d have to move out of the country and make a secret identity. Which, really wouldn’t be that bad, but, I’d have to go to a country where they wouldn’t speak English and you can’t teach an old dog to speak new languages.
—————– Original Message —————–
From: ..Jon..
Date: Jul 24, 2008 12:11 AM

Yes, Holiday Inn…I could give you my cell phone number or hotel number and room to prove im 18 and sane???

Original Message —————–
From: ..Mjo Five Oh..
Date: Jul 23, 2008 9:18 PM

Ok, now you’re really asking me to walk into a whole sting operation for finding internet predators. Besides, I’d take your number and submit it to so many random phone spam places and hope you get annoyed and change your number and service. Then, if I had your hotel room #, I would tell them you would be staying for 3 months longer and to not check on you. Also, to not bother cleaning your room because you’ll be staying so long. Then, I would send a basket of porn, potato chips, and lube to your room… and make sure it would be like 80 year old midget porn so the hotel worker would see it and think you’re a creep. Then, I’d hire a Russian sniper to sit outside in the parking lot waiting for your curtains to open and you’d see a red laser dot on your shirt A LOT, and you would get freaked out and go back to where you came from, forgetting to check out and having your credit card billed for about 3 months.

—————– Original Message —————–
From: ..Jon..
Date: Jul 24, 2008 12:20 AM

Your funny…come on…Im innocent…I am a business man in town for a night and bored..
—————————————————–

Ok, now you just broke my rule of messaging people. You say you’re a business MAN instead of businessman and you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. I hope you didn’t go to college for that edumacation. BYE!
——————————————————-

OK, I have PhD in Reproductive Physiology and a minor in Statistics and own my own consulting company. If you want to compare intelligence, then get out from behind this chatting and call. I am stay at the Holiday Inn…814-724-6012…room 238
————————————————–
RESPONSE I WILL NOT SEND:
You probably have a wife and 7 kids from 4 different moms. I know I’m super hot, but please. You’re horrible at grammar and are trying to get laid from myspace. If you want to get laid, at least find a picture of some hot dude to post on your page. I mean, the “no photo available” dude is hot and all, but it just isn’t someone I’d have sex with… He has no mouth or eyes!

It’s always nice when someone compensates for something with their PhD. I’m sure “your” really really smart, like whoa.

Now fuck off before I report you to Tom from Myspace. That guy’s a bitch.

 

“I used to know the name of every person I kissed, now I made this bed and I can’t fall asleep in it.”

I’ve decided that I would like to conquer every male I find attractive or somewhat attractive… maybe even just doable…. (that would have to mean for PESRONALITY, not looks…. no fugs.)

I have already conquered them all in my hometown. Some in a different town. I figure this will help ease the unending emptiness inside me!

Ok, well actually, there are about 2 more guys in this town I need to conquer. One is super hot, but I don’t like him as more than a friend… the other one… same way I guess.

MJ FACT: Making out with a dude just because he is super hot does not lead to chemistry, unfortunately.

AND I WILL FUCKING SLAUGHTER THE NAME OF ANYONE WHO POSTS THAT I AM A BAD KISSER ON MYSPACE. I’m not bad, you’re just bland and boring. Plus, your dick was really small and that was unexpected… you were so disproportionate. I mean, I don’t like big big because I’m a small girl… but, come on. You’re sexual inabilities are ridiculous.

The people I like are unattainable for one reason or another, or I have super awesome connection with them, except that they have horrid taste in music, movies, life, etc. So I figure it’s a hell lot more fulfilling being a slut than settling. Which, I can think of a couple guys I would settle for. Only, I wouldn’t be settling, because I think they’re the whole package. But yes, they’re unattainable for one reason or another.

I don’t get why I feel so confident with guys I’m not attracted to at all and feel like the suckiest person ever around ones I do like.

WHY DO I JUST RAMBLE ON ABOUT THIS?!?!

 

Lady Lazarus- Sylvia Plath

I have done it again.
One year in every ten
I manage it—–

A sort of walking miracle, my skin
Bright as a Nazi lampshade,
My right foot

A paperweight,
My featureless, fine
Jew linen.

Peel off the napkin
O my enemy.
Do I terrify?——-

The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?
The sour breath
Will vanish in a day.

Soon, soon the flesh
The grave cave ate will be
At home on me

And I a smiling woman.
I am only thirty.
And like the cat I have nine times to die.

This is Number Three.
What a trash
To annihilate each decade.

What a million filaments.
The Peanut-crunching crowd
Shoves in to see

Them unwrap me hand in foot ——
The big strip tease.
Gentleman , ladies

These are my hands
My knees.
I may be skin and bone,

Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.
The first time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.

The second time I meant
To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut

As a seashell.
They had to call and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I’ve a call.

It’s easy enough to do it in a cell.
It’s easy enough to do it and stay put.
It’s the theatrical

Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:

‘A miracle!’
That knocks me out.
There is a charge

For the eyeing my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart—
It really goes.

And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood

Or a piece of my hair on my clothes.
So, so, Herr Doktor.
So, Herr Enemy.

I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby

That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.

Ash, ash—
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there—-

A cake of soap,
A wedding ring,
A gold filling.

Herr God, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.

 

88 Fingers Louie

I’d rather die than have to live alone….

I’m sick of feeling like the faceless one.

 

silly

I haven’t been feeling good lately. My friend said this though, which sort of put things into perspective for me.

BattleCruiser49 (11:33:25 PM): ya i know, some people dont go away even when they do. i just pretend im fine…its worked so far

Thanks, Jason… and thanks for being the only one who EVER FUCKING COMMENTS.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!? DON’T YOU KNOW I NEED TO FEEL LOVED?!?!?

 

???

What is this feeling inside of me? I hate it. I can’t belive I used to feel like this every day.

 

life changes or sameness!

-I WENT TO THE KEG AND WAS NOT KICKED OUT. ALTHOUGH I DID HIDE.

- I MET AN ENGLISH DUDE WHO LIVES IN EDINBORO AND IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING AND HE SAID IT WAS “LOVELY” TO MEET ME…. IN AN ENGLISH ACCENT AND I WAS PROBABLY GOING TO SQUEE.

- I BROKE MY AGE LIMIT BY LIKE 9 – 10 YEARS AND IT WAS REALLY COOL.

- I ACTUALLY MET A SMART PERSON WHO WAS IN THE ARMY

NON CHANGES:

- I STILL LOVE THE LIBRARY
- I STILL LOVE ERIE IN THE SUMMER TIME
- I’M GOING TO BE DATING NOTHING BUT ARTISTS FOR LIFE D:
- I’M STILL MOVING TO ENGLAND IF BARACK OBAMA BECOMES PRESIDENT
- I’M STILL AN OBNOXIOUS BITCH

thank you.

 

Scary

I’ve been having nightmares lately…. I rarely ever have them. It’s to the point where I have to turn on the tv in my room so I dream about whatever background noise it gives me instead of demons trying to eat my soul or whatever. I haven’t been sleeping as well. It sucks.